Today we went to church for the first time since we have been home. It was so nice to be among friends! I started crying practically as soon as I sat down. I had Song Yi in my lap and I was just thinking of all the YEARS that I prayed that we would be able to adopt again and here she was, proof of God's faithfulness and care. We have so much to be thankful for! I was making a mental list of the good, right after having a not so good lunch where I can't even remember what I ate I was up and down from the table so much trying to use my ESP to see what Little Miss Bu yao wanted. Between me getting up, she kept getting her hands dirty on purpose and insisting I wipe them. And refusing food she ate a few days ago, only to eat a ton of it about 10 minutes later, after she put all hers on my plate. I want to know how to say "Girl, we know you like tater tots" in Chinese.
I emailed my group that is for adopting older kids to see what they think about continuing the babyish behaviors like wanting to be carried, wanting me to wipe her hands, put her shoes on, help her go potty, get her dressed, all things I know she can do but she wants me to do for her. So far I am just doing it, thinking maybe it is her wanting to subconsciously re-live some stuff we didn't do together. I am annoyed by too much psychology but when you're talking about a little soul that has been through a lot, can't hurt to think it through. It is all good until Lilla wants the same treatment and then I just can't take it. How people live with 2 year old twins i will never know.
So thankful that Song Yi is sleeping, looking us in the eye, smiling, giving hugs, trying out her English, laughing, playing, listening to stories, playing Play Dough and sleeping!!! I can't believe we have only known her for 3 weeks.
I have to get Mark to put up video of all the kids running around like maniacs last night right before bed. It was FUNNY. but when it was time for bed, Song Yi wanted to take all her dress up stuff she was wearing and put it in her personal drawer. I call her (in my head) "the confiscator" because if she wants it, she tries to take it for her own. Thankfully she listens to reason and I was able to show her that dress up clothes are community property.
Tomorrow she goes for her check up. I will take an Oglethorpe student with us who is from Shanghai in case we need translating, since there will be much poking and prodding. We met her last week and she was awesome. But as soon as Song Yi saw her and the girl spoke Chinese to her, she froze. Her eyes got teary and she was clinging on to me for dear life. She wouldn't get down, wouldn't talk to the girl. We explained in English and Chinese that this was a friend, Song Yi was staying with mommy, we were just chatting...she didn't want a thing to do with it. She only relaxed her death grip and looked happy when we said goodbye! I wonder what she was thinking. I remember when I was in France studying and living with a French family, I was so relieved to speak English from time to time, so relaxing not to have to concentrate so hard to communicate. Well, not the same for kids in this situation I guess. I had heard of kids having this reaction but really wasn't expecting it.
Mark starts slowly back to work tomorrow...I am terrified! How will I do this?? Thankfully he works from home and can help out as needed as I get the hang of this mom to 4 life.
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About Me
- Katy
- Atlanta, GA
- I am a wife, mom to 4 kids...a believer seeking to view this life through the lens of forever.
5 comments:
Hi... Just a thought since I've been in your shoes pretty recently... With an older child, you have a lot fewer ways to attach, it's meeting all of those basic needs in a baby that creates the trust that is necessary for attachment...so go with whatever she will allow you to do or wants you to do. The baby behaviors will eventually get less and less... I promise (smile)...
I know it's hard since they're older, but I actually had to look for ways to do this with Abby because she was way too independent.
One way I got to do it was putting a bandaid on scratches that I couldn't even see... But over time, that has gotten better... For a long time, I didn't let anyone do anything for her, except me just so I would have more ways to create attachment. At one point, Abby even started sucking her thumb and talking like a baby... a little embarrassing in public and at church, but I didn't fight it and in a few weeks it was gone.
Hang in there...it will be worth the effort in the long run...but believe, I understand how frustrating it can be!
We are still thinking about you! Keep on keeping on. I'm eager to hear about the drs. appt. And how is that foot?
Wow, so much of what you've posted lately sounds SO familiar! Maili wanted us to do EVerything for her when we were in China and when we first came home. At first we protested a bit, but then we realized that if she was going to learn to trust that we would meet her needs we would have to do just that. So we did it all for a couple of months and then she turned into Little Miss Independent all of a sudden and that was that. So enjoy it while you can, this too shall pass!
Maili had a similar reaction to people speaking Chinese to her as well; sometimes she still does. She just freezes up and shuts down when she hears it and has not spoken a single word of Chinese to anyone who has spoken it to her. She is just now getting to the point where she will look at a Chinese person who is speaking to her but it has taken her almost 10 months to get to that point and she always responds to them in English even though we're pretty sure she still remembers at least some of her language.
Angela
www.myadoptionwebsite.com/maili
2 year old twins were easy compared to your adjustments right now (don't mean this in a bad way!)...all that said, 3 years later you're going to look back and fondly remember and thank God for how far you've come and how His grace sustained you through it all!
Katy--Loved reading about Hope and all she has been going through. I'll be praying for her specifically. Looking forward to hearing more. I know you must feel so swamped. The translator is a great idea---funny how she reacted, though. She may want to re-live some things she missed with you--good point. Love, L
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